E-Zine / What I wish didn't happen..

What I wish didn't happen..

What I wish didn't happen

It began as any other normal day, dark and early, and I saluted the sun with the darkest brew my medium roast could muster up. A thousand calculations in my head, a few check lists, and a few thoughts about things that don't even matter, but work wonders to get my blood pumping. The new normal of waking up early, and staying up late with the child is an accepted state of functioning now, the alarm rings and everything begins like clockwork, except for the days when a black swan event happens. If black swan was defined as a rare event, I saw a flock of black swans that day nd the state of mind was such that I would write a white paper if I accidentally spotted a white swan.

Something happened at work, and I dealt with it as a business woman would and should do, without for once trying to become Satya Nadella's poster child by leaving it all to Karma. As far removed as I am with the usual list of items associated with women and their behavior at work, it still hurts that something was broken, and for the first time, leaving my only child habit of composting the lemons life gives me and reaching for nutella, I was going to give this a second chance. Mid life crisis much? Bitter coffee, and bitter experiences become the sweet truth of life where trust becomes the sugar.. never added to the mix?

Drove home with a heavy heart, and even though Taylor Swift said shake it off, I couldn't shake it off. Investing yourself emotionally always comes with a heartbreak. Even Taylor had to write a dozen songs about the toaster before shaking it off. Thought I will pick up the children, and get some coffee, become basic with a pumpkin spice latte and help the aroma of Starbucks heal me. One girl was happy, told me one hundred funny stories that happened at school, in the classroom and in the playground. Another girl got into the car teary eyed. My little saga of broken trust held nothing over the tragedy she carried in her text messages. Someone she knew was going through a psychological crisis. A mental health issue of sorts that wasn't addressed at the right time. Her friend was hurting, and she did the best she could to help, but it's too much for an almost fourteen year old to handle. We got our ventis anyway to prove that we are basic and our lives are normal, despite the black swan day. Erin, Erin and Erin got their drinks by their blue eyed barista with much love and a great smile, and a lovely wish to enjoy the rest of our day.

Why did everything that happen today, happen today?

This morning, when we were driving the little one to school, we stopped at the intersection where a young girl was killed by a drunk driver two years ago. "I will be home in five" she texted her mother, but never came home. All her mother got was a call from police, and next was every parent's worst fear. Today was her birthday. What would have been a sweet sixteen birthday party had turned into a reminder of how beautiful it would have been if not for the person who partied hard, and lived it up, but didn't let others live. Texters. They are the drunk drivers of today, occupying the roads all possible hours of the day. You never know when they roll their vehicle into another lane completely engrossed into a conversation with their friend about who-knows-what. Someone told me they never text when they have their kids in the car. What about other children? When did you get a right to be so careless about their lives?

It was a black swan day, and I couldn't wait to go to sleep so that I could pretend nothing happened at all, and wake up next morning forgetting all the pain. But every few minutes I woke up with one worry after another. Somewhere around midnight, I decided to hold my children close to me, because that's what you do when everything goes wrong.. hold on to what's right in your life, and what you always wish to remain right. I still couldn't sleep for a very long time. I watched the stars through the blinds, heard someone go for a midnight run, and some car come home and park, and random airplanes blink their lights in distance. Then I don't know when I fell asleep, but woke up to a terrible news.

Six teenagers, none of them with a driver's license decided to take their uncle's BMW for a midnight spin, and five of them died on spot when they lost control of the vehicle and hit the embankment. No alcohol was involved, and neither was texting. None of them had their seat belts on. My car stalled near the exit where their parents left crosses and flowers and candles in their childrens' memory and my eyes well up thinking about the parents. About the teenage girl's parents. About my little girl's friend's parents. About the parents of these five kids who died. About the parents of the only kid who drove them and survived. What did they ever deserve to get this pain in their lives?

Things were so stressful last week, I spent the whole weekend wondering why do we even have any expectations from our children. I am not after them for grades, but I see Indian/ Asian parents around me driving their children from this class to that class to get them extra coaching so that they can survive APs. So that they can get a clean score on SATs. So that they can go to Ivy League colleges. But do these parents ever sit down with their children and ask them what they really want? What hurts them? I wish they all gave their children a big hug, and asked them what really happens in their life instead of assuming their children would never do things that they forbid them to do. Raising your children is not a right, it's a privilege..Love them, know them, and educate them about life in general. There is much more to life than rote learning a text book.

And you children..

Die of old age. Give is the pleasure of raising you. Keep the wet towels on the bed as the biggest problems in our lives. We love driving you around even though we complain. Another cup of coffee, and we are ready to drive another hundred for you. Please don't run off with that friend of yours that doesn't have a license. Tell us who are you with, and when are you coming home. Reassure us, we will ask the same questions again and again when you are out on your own. Answer our calls, reply to our texts. I know, we can be annoying, wanting you to stop watching videos on Data plan but asking you to turn on location services and use up the data, but understand us. Just like you teenagers are daring and raring, we are retreating into the shell after a long stint with daring and raring.. help us with our transition.

Send us to our graves, never the other way round.